distractions

I get distracted, a lot. Usually, its by things like household chores, or my mind wandering about when I will shower, cook dinner, or exercise. Lately, its been different. Its been about family. A couple weeks back we discovered my cousin had cancer. Cancer isn't rare in our family but she's 27 years old. We thought it was the best case scenario but then the news just kept getting worse. Surgery didn't go well and they discovered things we weren't ready to hear.

Today, I got a call from my mom saying that my brother's apartment had burned down. My brother is on a church mission. He's giving up two years of his life to serve the Lord. His journals and belongings were destroyed. 

This news is hard to hear as well. We have two missionaries out right now in our family. My brother and cousin. His sister is the cousin with cancer. In the church you often hear how your family will be protected and blessed as you have someone from your family serving a mission. With all this bad news, my faith is a little shaken on that statement. 

My husband is also sick with the flu or some sort of virus so I have single mom duty with Crew. I feel bad because my mind is no where near home. Its with my sick cousin. Its thinking about my brother and how hard of a time he is having right now. His home is gone. His things are gone. I want to be the absolute best mom I can be, every single day. I just don't know how to handle this all I guess. 

This must be what people mean when they say they need the Lord to carry their burdens.

Saying that out loud sounds dumb to me. I'm not even the one going through the trials. Its my cousin and my brother. Not me! My heart just hearts for them so badly. I love them both so much that it pains me that they have to go through this. It makes me wish it happened to me instead.

Sometimes life just isn't fair.

05.17.17